A year later

Sitting and typing this is feeling more than a little weird.

I don't know who is still reading or getting this but here's an update from the last 10 months.

Things got tough, very tough. Situations that I've been praying for have not turned out the way I wanted them to, and some have still no been resolved.

Thanks to all of you who were praying for Matt and Nicola, they brought their wedding forward due to Matt's illness. It was a simple wedding at the college chapel, but struck home rather strongly how precious life is and how important an issue marriage is still in our society.

I saw a strength of character in both members of that couple that left me awestruck. Despite being now wheelchair bound and obviously weakened. My dear friend was able to speak loudly and proudly of his love for Nicola. Tragically, Matt passed away less than a day after his wedding, earthly death had won. However, I trust Matt is gazing into the eyes of one who loves him more than we ever could. Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

It was an amazing privilege to be asked to give a speech at Matt's memorial service. Whilst others spoke of what a great loss we had experienced. God reminded me of how much He had given us in the life of Matthew. A true brother, an example of love that knew what the words "till death us do part" meant. I am blessed to have been part of Matt's life, but even more so in sharing in his death. He showed me a courage I long to emulate.

Sadly this was not the only thing to happen last year, God appears to be refining me. I hope one day to appear as pure gold, but at the moment I am painfully aware of my imperfections that he has brought to the surface. God loves family, I have no doubt about that, yet over the past six years I have been stripped of my family and given a new home.

After the death of my father six and a half years ago, I had to make the choice to follow God or abandon Him. As a naive sixteen year old, this choice wasn't hard. God was all I needed, right?

Age 19, I pray the most stupid prayer in the history of prayers. "God will you come and break me down and rebuild me how you want?"

Three years later, I find myself in the middle of the answer to that request. Following the sudden death of my dear sister two years ago, and my biological mother abandoning me and taking my younger sister with her last autumn. (I hate to use the word abandoned, however that has been the closest word I can find to express my feelings about this). How do I explain this in light of a God who loves? I'm still not sure to be honest. However, he has opened my eyes to a wider family than those four I am biologically related to. He has placed brothers and sisters, spiritual mothers and fathers around me. But most importantly, He has shown me that He is the one rock that will not move, he is the firm foundation in times of family breakup, in the credit crunch. When famine, darkness, sword and death are alltat I can see. Still my heart knows, that HE IS GOD!

There are still plans for my life, plans he made. So I keep trusting, despite how hard and often painful it is. I keep praying, even though I don't always like the answers. I keep praising Him, for even though my world may appear to have crumbled at times, He still is worthy of my everything, no matter how small or how feeble.

Please continue to pray for me. I write this in a moment of quiet confidence in my saviour. However, this confidence is not always the first thought in my mind. I have had a few months in "the valley of the shadow of death". I am being shaped by God, but he has been using you to do this.

With much love as ever.
Alan (broken but still going)