Confidence

This past month has been a great encouragement and I feel I'm now out of the darkest days.
Thanks to those of you who have offered prayers, words of encouragement and friendship. This blog was intended to keep people updated with my life and show what God's been up to.

In the past five weeks, there have been countless birthdays, including my own. This was a great day and I was pleasantly surprised to have so many great people in the room all at once. It's always a little odd when different aspects of your world collide, but thankfully most things went off without problem.

Starting the 23rd year of my life in a field trying to see the stars through the clouds was brilliant. I was reminded of how small I am, and also how great God is. Even though itwas dark and a little cold, there were good friends alongside me (In fact it was a couple of these who dragged me out to the top of Shotover at such an early hour- You know who you are)

Rachel, my sister came down the next morning and joined us for brunch (good work from the percy boys) before the crowds came over ready for bowling. Bowling was great and after Jeremy Clarkson (of Top Gear fame) popped into the bowling ally, the day had a touch of celebrity to it.

Heading back to the house for drinks and food, we were joined by some of my work colleagues, who fitted in quickly. The usual happy birthday singing and cake combo was used with an amazingly picked Spiderman cake. I felt 7 all over again and the coloured icing was enough to keep me going for the rest of the evening. Hugh and a few others treated me to a little dance they'd prepared.

Then as the party died down a little, a group of us headed out for some clubbing at the recently renamed O2 academy. There we were all blessed by having a mini-set from Electric 6. Well worth the entry price to the club. Old school tunes and good friends, finished off a great day. Got in at 2am and crammed some sleep in before heading off to Gloucester in the morning.

March 15th started with a 30 minute cycle across Oxford, then an hour to Gloucester in the car with Mike. Over the past couple of months, I've spent a little time with him enjoying his company and watching him preach. He's challenged me about how to prepare and deliver God's word to others and also shared some of his experiences. This week he was speaking on how God has already declared us not guilty in the end judgement. This is God's final word on the matter and will not change! I felt a massive burden fall off my shoulders that morning, and was doubly blessed by being able to have dinner with Barney Combes and members of his family for lunch.

This man oozed patience and love, told amazing stories of God showing up in airports and in trinket shops. I'd never been on such good behaviour before yet had an amazing sense of peace.

I've also been working on stepping out in the prophetic, sharing good news with people and loving them more deeply. A few people have commented on what they've read here, and those that know me hopefully see that God has put hope in my life. If one other person in the whole world can really see that, then my trials have not been in vain. Thanks to Him who gives me strength to share His story with others. I've also started to write down the beginnings of an autobiography. However I expect this will take a few years to complete.

Easter came quite quickly wth lots of travelling around, events and visiting people. It was great to catch up with some old school and university friends and see where they're at. God is still working with these guys and they're in my prayers regularly.

Finally here's some things that I'd appreciate prayers for, most of them are practical, but some are ongoing;

• That God would restore my relationship with my mother and sister Laura over the coming months.
• That John would have peace, despite not being able to see his daughter at this time.
• That my application for student finance goes through quickly.
• That I can carry a sense of God's peace in my heart deeply this month. (The 15th April was the 2-year anniversary of my sister's death)
• That I can witness to those at work as I leave.
• That I will see continued growth with the children I come into contact with and also in myself.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

With Love in Christ

Alan

A year later

Sitting and typing this is feeling more than a little weird.

I don't know who is still reading or getting this but here's an update from the last 10 months.

Things got tough, very tough. Situations that I've been praying for have not turned out the way I wanted them to, and some have still no been resolved.

Thanks to all of you who were praying for Matt and Nicola, they brought their wedding forward due to Matt's illness. It was a simple wedding at the college chapel, but struck home rather strongly how precious life is and how important an issue marriage is still in our society.

I saw a strength of character in both members of that couple that left me awestruck. Despite being now wheelchair bound and obviously weakened. My dear friend was able to speak loudly and proudly of his love for Nicola. Tragically, Matt passed away less than a day after his wedding, earthly death had won. However, I trust Matt is gazing into the eyes of one who loves him more than we ever could. Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

It was an amazing privilege to be asked to give a speech at Matt's memorial service. Whilst others spoke of what a great loss we had experienced. God reminded me of how much He had given us in the life of Matthew. A true brother, an example of love that knew what the words "till death us do part" meant. I am blessed to have been part of Matt's life, but even more so in sharing in his death. He showed me a courage I long to emulate.

Sadly this was not the only thing to happen last year, God appears to be refining me. I hope one day to appear as pure gold, but at the moment I am painfully aware of my imperfections that he has brought to the surface. God loves family, I have no doubt about that, yet over the past six years I have been stripped of my family and given a new home.

After the death of my father six and a half years ago, I had to make the choice to follow God or abandon Him. As a naive sixteen year old, this choice wasn't hard. God was all I needed, right?

Age 19, I pray the most stupid prayer in the history of prayers. "God will you come and break me down and rebuild me how you want?"

Three years later, I find myself in the middle of the answer to that request. Following the sudden death of my dear sister two years ago, and my biological mother abandoning me and taking my younger sister with her last autumn. (I hate to use the word abandoned, however that has been the closest word I can find to express my feelings about this). How do I explain this in light of a God who loves? I'm still not sure to be honest. However, he has opened my eyes to a wider family than those four I am biologically related to. He has placed brothers and sisters, spiritual mothers and fathers around me. But most importantly, He has shown me that He is the one rock that will not move, he is the firm foundation in times of family breakup, in the credit crunch. When famine, darkness, sword and death are alltat I can see. Still my heart knows, that HE IS GOD!

There are still plans for my life, plans he made. So I keep trusting, despite how hard and often painful it is. I keep praying, even though I don't always like the answers. I keep praising Him, for even though my world may appear to have crumbled at times, He still is worthy of my everything, no matter how small or how feeble.

Please continue to pray for me. I write this in a moment of quiet confidence in my saviour. However, this confidence is not always the first thought in my mind. I have had a few months in "the valley of the shadow of death". I am being shaped by God, but he has been using you to do this.

With much love as ever.
Alan (broken but still going)